dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
