Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
