Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
