I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize