i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
