he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
