I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
