Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
