i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
