How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
