i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
