I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is Oprah even human
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
