you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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