I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
