Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Congratulations! We have a period
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
