Christians are straight up FREAKS
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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