get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
