Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
