Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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