4 words: hood of his car
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
