don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
