ya dads aren't the best wingmen
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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