Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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