I wish I could teleport
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
