you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
