Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
