Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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