I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
