someone get that fucking seahorse.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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