oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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