I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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