I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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