And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
