I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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