we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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