I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
