I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
