Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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