I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
