I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize