well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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