piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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