Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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