Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is this like a preordered booty call?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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