What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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