Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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