i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
