I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
