My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the day after is always just damage control
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
