Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
