I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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