Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
