I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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