My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
