Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
