All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am available for nakedness
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
