Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
