from now on my penis is your penis
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
