I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize