it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize