i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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