I have demons in me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
