did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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