what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
