My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
