oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I could make wine with my vomit
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
