I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
