I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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