Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
