is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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