Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
